


I'm falling again

by nancy01



Series: Tied up like two ships - Larry Stylinson BDSM au [4]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - BDSM, BDSM, Dom Louis Tomlinson, Dom Louis Tomlinson/Sub Harry Styles, Dom/sub, Louis Tomlinson is Protective of Harry Styles, M/M, Overprotective Louis, Sad Harry Styles, Shy Harry, Sub Harry, Sub Harry Styles, Sweet Harry Styles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-31
Updated: 2020-05-31
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:07:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24437914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nancy01/pseuds/nancy01
Summary: Liam gripped Harry's shoulders and ordered him to look at him. "Harry, tell me what's wrong?"Harry couldn't hear what Liam was saying anymore, could only see and hear white noise. He wanted the hands to encase him and hold him, not keep him away at a distance.Harry tried to speak but all that came out was a whimper again."Harry? Talk to me!" Liam ordered again."Gonna drop." Harry managed to get out, tears leaking down his face.ORharry drops on stage and Louis has to save him
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Series: Tied up like two ships - Larry Stylinson BDSM au [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1756243
Comments: 31
Kudos: 198





	I'm falling again

**Author's Note:**

> For a change I haven't edited this yet, I will at some point I swear, but I just wanted to get this up.
> 
> Thank you all so so so much for reading. Commenting is also always appreciated, so thank you so much to those of you who do, keep them coming in.
> 
> Enjoy x

Harry was dripping in sweat. Like his bed sheets were wet and his hair was damp and his skin felt sticky. 

He was having a nap in his bunk whilst the boys had gone to grab some food to bring back, Paul staying on the bus to look after Harry.

And Harry didn't feel _right_. He was on edge, a fucking knife edge, and he had no way of knowing how to come back down.

He got out of his bunk and stripped the sheets off, stuffing them in a corner and hoping he could get some new ones or at least wash these ones.

As he was walking to the shower a nasty thought entered his head. What if he was about to drop?

He'd only ever dropped once in his life before, when he was 14, and it was when his parents had split up. It was scary and he had felt so _alone_ , and he knew he'd do everything he could to never experience one again.

He had over the counter drop pills which Louis knew about, but he also had some stronger ones that his mate back home had gotten him, which were maybe not so legal and quite strong, but he'd told Harry they were safe and to only use them if he absolutely had to.

Louis didn't know about them, and Harry would like to keep it that way. He did feel a little bit guilty, (okay maybe really fucking guilty), but Louis wasn't a sub and he didn't know how scary or dangerous a drop could be. Harry was keeping them for his own safety.

He'd only taken them once before, the strong ones. He'd felt better instantly but it also made him a bit light headed and Harry had had to take a nap to brush it off.

As he let the water run steaming hot and stripped off his clothes he weighed up his options.

He didn't really remember what a drop felt like because it was so long ago and he'd tried to forget it as much as possible. This meant it wasn't certain he was dropping right now, or was close. He could be ill. He could be nervous. He could be homesick.

Or he could still be dropping.

The idea that he _could_ be dropping was enough for Harry to consider that that was what was happening, so he could deal with it and make sure it _wouldn't_ happen.

He stepped into the shower and let out a big sigh.

He could take his over the counter drop pills, and hope they worked. And if they didn't, and only if, he'd take his stronger ones. Louis would never have to know cause it would only worry him and the drop would fuck off and everyone would be happy.

Harry smiled in relief as he lathered up shampoo in his hair before rinsing it off.

There was a small flaw to his master plan.

Actually there were a few flaws.

Number one, Louis knew everything, like, all the time. Harry was sure he'd know if he took his strong pills, and he'd probably know if he took the weak ones as well.

Number two, the strong pills Harry had been given before the X Factor, when he was 15. Which meant there was a high chance the pills were out of date, which could potentially be very dangerous to him.

Number three, Harry would have to explain why he'd taken the bed sheet off and he knew he wouldn't be able to lie about it.

As he finished up his shower he sighed in irritation. He was still feeling really hot and shaky, and he knew Louis would be able to tell. He was craving some kind of affection so badly he felt like he could cry if he thought about it for too long. 

He rubbed his body with a towel and pulled some boxers on, deciding to just leave it at that. He couldn't stand the thought of wearing anything else at the moment.

He stumbled out of the bathroom and headed back to the bunk beads where his suitcase was.

He rifled through for his pills, finding both packets hiding in a small bag that Harry had padlocked shut.

He entered the combination and pulled them out with shaky hands. He then studied the strong ones. They hadn't come in a blister packet like normal drugs did, but were in a small bottle. The label on it said the name of the drug and the strength of it, but it had no expiration date. Harry swore loudly and threw them back into the bag. He took two of his normal pills and swallowed them with some water, swearing again before taking two more and swallowing them as well.

He picked up his phone and rang his friend who'd gotten him the drug.

It rang for a minute before the person picked up the phone. Harry suddenly realised that they hadn't really spoken in a while and this could be someone else for all he knew but just went along with it.

"Um, is this Matt?" Harry spoke shakily.

"Harry fuck off, you know it is. What do you want?" Matt teased, making Harry sag in relief. Matt was one of the most chill Dom's he knew and he was so relieved that he could still speak to him like he did years ago.

"Sorry, I wasn't sure if you'd changed your number or something. How are you?" Harry said.

Matt laughed down the phone line. "I'm good bro, probably not as good as you are though. Still fucks with my mind how much you've achieved these past few years."

Harry smiled softly as well. "I know, it's so crazy even to us. It still feels like I'm living a dream. Doesn't feel real."

"Yeah, I can imagine. Feels like only yesterday you were crying to me cause your mum had put your application in and you felt like you weren't ready. I'm so glad you went along though." Matt says softly, making Harry smile and in his fragile state of mind feel a little weepy.

"I know. What are you up too nowadays?"

Matt and Harry spoke for a little while longer, discussing old memories and new events in their lives, promising to meet up when Harry was back in England.

"Yeah, might be a few more months till we come back though. I'm not really sure, it depends how this album goes." Harry said with a frown.

"Don't worry about it, I'll see you when I see you. Now I love you very much but I'm sure you didn't call just to have a little chat. What's up?"

"Um, you...you know those, um, pills you got me when we were like, uh, 15. Um, d'you think they'll still be okay to use?" Harry says in a small voice.

"Hazza, I told you to only use those in an emergency. You have a Dom now, you shouldn't still be using them. Does Louis know?" Matt said in his sub voice, worried for his friend.

"I haven't told him I have these ones. He knows about the normal ones but.... he'd make me flush these ones down the toilet. And I need them. It is an emergency Matt, I really really don't want to drop and I can feel it coming. Can you just tell me if I can still use them?" Harry says a little more harshly, biting his nail and staring at the door like a hawk in case the boys came back.

Matt exhaled loudly. "Harry, you're my friend and I don't want you to do something stupid. If you tell Louis you feel like you might drop he'll be able to help you push it away, or he'll be able to help you through it. It won't be as bad as last time."

"How do you know that though?! Last time you were with me, and I still felt scared and depressed and it was horrific. How can you be so sure this time will be any different?!" Harry said hysterically to the phone.

"Hey, Hazza calm down. Last time you dropped cause you were scared about your parents, so it had more of a psychological effect on you, and it just suddenly happened. There was no build up to it. And yes, whilst I was a Dom I was 15 and I wasn't your Dom. Trust me when I tell you Louis will make it okay for you. I promise." Matt said, trying to sound reassuring.

"Matt please! If you don't tell me anything I'm just gonna take them anyways. You're my friend, and you said you'd never treat me differently 'cause I'm a sub. And right now you are. Just tell me if they've expired or not!" Harry whines.

"Fine. Their only three years old, they'll be fine. But I mean it when I say only use it as a last resort. And text me if you feel worse, or better still tell your fucking Dom. You're such an idiot." Matt chastised.

"Thank you! Okay, I have to go cause their gonna be back soon. I love you, see you soon!" Harry blabbers, hanging up before Matt can tell him off anymore.

Harry shakes the bottle and two pills fall out, and Harry swears he can feel them burning his hand. 

That's probably the guilt though.

As they're lying in his shaking hand he hears Louis' loud laugh from outside, meaning they're about to walk in any second. Harry shoves them in his mouth and swallows heavily, chugging down water and wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

He feels adrenaline rush through him and he tries to stuff the pill packet and the pill bottle into his back, tighten the padlock around it and shove it to the bottom of his bag. He then slams his suitcase down and zips it up tightly just as Louis enters the room.

"Hey baby! We got some nandos, wanna come join the boys and I in the lounge room and eat something?" Louis says softly.

Harry nods his head and stands up on shaky feet, gripping his phone tightly in one hand. He's still only wearing his boxers but he knows the other lads won't mind.

Harry reaches Louis and Louis presses a small kiss to Harry's lips, making Harry want to just melt into his arms and tell him he's just taken illegal drugs and he feels like he might drop and he needs knew bed sheets and he so _scared_.

But he doesn't. He just smiles and threads his fingers with Louis so they're holding hands as they walk to find the food.

As they sit there eating, Harry feels the shakiness in his body going away and he stops sweating so much, and with that comes relief.

He doesn't ever need to tell Louis what happened, because he did what he had to do to keep himself safe. And it worked.

When they finished Louis pulled Harry into his lap for a cuddle and pressed soft kisses all over his face, which made Harry feel sick with guilt but he tried to push it away.

He was doing the right thing.

-

Okay so maybe he wasn't doing the right thing. They were in sound check and Harry was about ten minutes away from passing out if they stood here much longer.

Louis was backstage having a chat with the sound technician about their in ears not working and Harry was gripping his mic on his mic stand so tightly his knuckles were white.

He needed his pills again but he'd left them on the tour bus and they were definitely not gonna be going back to the bus until after the concert.

That thought alone almost made Harry whimper and Harry made a bee line for Paul who was standing by the edge of the stage on the floor.

He squatted down and tapped him on the shoulder, making the body guard turn around and smile at Harry as he lifted him to the floor.

"Hey kiddo. Y'alright?"

Harry nodded his head and wrung his fingers behind him. The background noise was slowly turning to white noise and Harry knew he was literally minutes away from dropping.

"Need to go to the bus." He whispers, avoiding eye contact with Paul.

"What do you need from there? I'm not sure if you'll have time to go back but I can send someone to go get it for you." Paul offered.

Harry shook his head rapidly. "Need to go to the bus. Now."

"Harry look at me please." Paul ordered, Harry looking up before he could even think about it. "Tell me what it is you need and I can sort it out for you. You won't have time to eat if you go back to the bus."

Harry looked up to see if Louis was on stage yet, which he was glad to find he wasn't. 

"Um. Can you not tell Louis?" Harry asked hesitantly. 

Paul frowned. "Harry I can't not tell him if its serious, and you shouldn't either. You don't keep things from him, why now?"

Harry whimpered. _Fuck_ , he was getting worse.

"In the bottom of my suitcase there's a small bag with a lock on it. I need it, my medication is in there. Please Paul, I need it right now and I don't want Louis to know. For once can you just treat me like Harry and not like Louis' sub. If he finds out I'm not going to rat you out. Please Paul." Harry says harshly before whimpering. "Please."

Paul sighed. "Alright. I'll get it to you. It can get here in ten minutes, are you okay to carry on with sound check or do you want me to make up an excuse and get you to a sofa for a bit?" 

Harry almost melted in relief. Everything was going to be okay. "Please."

"Alright, you just wait here for one minute, I'll be back." Paul said before walking over to Niall who was messing about with Liam and Zayn.

"Oi, Ni. Come here a second." He called over. 

"Whats up man?"

"Harry's just going to meet some of the fans quickly, I'm going with him. You guys stay here until we come back. Including Louis. We should only be a few minutes." He lies easily through his teeth.

Niall frowns. "Will that be safe if there's a big crowd outside? Why is Harry even going we have sound check?"

Paul sighs. "It's not a big crowd, it's just these two fans that are inside. And you guys can do sound check outwithout him for a couple minutes. It won't take long. Just tell Louis I've got him and he doesn't need to worry. Okay?"

Niall still looks unconvinced but nods slowly anyways. "Okay. Let us know if you need anything."

Paul nods and walks back over to Harry who's in a worse state than he was earlier.

"Alright kiddo, let's go." He says, leading Harry out of the arena and into some room backstage away from everyone else.

He rings some guy and explains the situation, and hangs up with a thanks.

"It'll be here in a few minutes, Haz. You wanna cuddle whilst we wait?" Paul asks kindly.

Harry shakes his head but doesn't offer a response. He's scared that he'll go down if he touches a Dom like this, and that really really can't happen.

Instead he just sits down on the sofa and pulls his knees up to his face, wrapping his arms around his thighs and resting his head into his legs.

He can't see what Paul's doing, and he'd rather keep it that way. The minutes pass by like years and Harry can feel his head going cloudier and cloudier by the second. 

Paul looks with concern at the Sub, but he can't see his face and just assumes he doesn't feel very well, and the medication he's waiting on will work. It goes against his Dom instincts to let Harry not tell his own Dom what is happening, but he has a soft spot for Harry. He's so young and goes through so much shit, and he can't imagine how hard it must be. He doesn't okay favourites with the boys but Harry's different.

He swears with relief when his phone rings and it's the guy who he's sent to get the bag. "Hi bro....yeah cracking....yeah one second, hey Haz, is it okay if I go get the bag from this guy and leave you here one second?"

Harry gasps and looks at Paul with wide eyes. "No! Need you here." He whispers.

Paul shushes him to try and calm him down. "Hey, it's alright. I can get him to come here." He then turns back to the phone. "Hey, is it possible for you to come to us instead, yeah if you go by the back door...yeah. Perfect, see you in ten mate. Yeah, cheers, bye."

He hangs up the phone. "He'll be here in a couple minutes Haz. You'll be alright. If you don't mind me asking what is the medication?"

Harry whimpers. " 's private."

"Okay, that's okay. I shouldn't have asked, I'm sorry Haz." Paul apologizes sincerely.

Harry just sits there and focuses on staying calm and aware of his surroundings until a man is knocking on the door, making Harry whimper again.

Paul gets up and checks who it is, coming back into Harry's eye line with his dreaded bag.

Harry all but leaps from his seat and grabs the bag from Paul. "Um, could you like, wait outside quickly."

Paul nods and makes his way outside, guarding the door so no-one comes into view.

As soon as Paul has left Harry is fumbling with the combination, getting it wrong six times before it finally opens. He opens the bottle and shakes two out into his palm, swallowing them dry, before waiting and deciding that as there old they're probably weaker so it's okay if he takes more, and shakes another two out and swallows them as well.

He sits there and waits for a few minutes, and whilst his head is becoming clearer not much else is happening so he takes another two, deciding that's enough and screwing the lid back on and shoving the bottle into his pants. He can't go through this again so it's better if he has them at all times, and Louis' unlikely to find them in there.

He then grabs some water from the table in the corner of the room and down the whole thing in one go, still desperate for more.

He locks the bag back up and heads outside to find Paul.

"Alright?"

Harry nods his head, not lying this time. He's hoping the pills will kick in quickly and it will all go away. "Thank you. Seriously, thank you for listening to me."

Paul smiles but he's still concerned. "It's alright kid. But I think it's a good idea to tell Lou that you don't feel good. Honestly Harry, you really didn't look good a minute ago, Lou would want to know."

Harry nods. "I know. But its my choice. Thank you for helping me again."

Paul just offers a smile before heading back to the arena. 

"By the way, I told Niall you went to meet two fans. So don't mess up the cover story." Paul tells Harry.

Harry nods and smiles when he sees the boys sitting on the stage, Louis included.

He walks over to them and snuggles himself up to Louis silently. He'd given Paul his bag and the bottle of illegal pills were still in his underpants so he was hoping Louis wouldn't think anything was suspicious.

Louis smiled softly at his Sub and pressed a kiss to Harry's lips, hooking a finger into his collar to keep him closer as he started moving his lips, swiping his tongue over Harry's lips to deepen the kiss.

Harry kissed back just as hungrily, the contact helping to clear his head a little bit.

Louis then pulls Harry up so he's sitting on his lap as he snogs him harder, essentially turning this into a full on make out session on the stage.

All of a sudden Harry feels something whack him in his chest, knocking the air out of him and making him pull away from Louis.

"Oi, you motherfuckers done acting like school children. We don't need to see that!" Niall teased, taking back the banana he'd thrown at Harry.

Harry whines and reaches out for the banana. "Heyy!"

Niall rolls his eyes fondly and passes the banana back to the sub, as Louis kicks Niall harshly in the shin.

"Ow! What'd you do that for?" He moans.

Louis tugs Harry into his chest and takes the banana, peeling it and feeding it to the happy sub.

"Don't throw things at him." Louis sternly as though he was scolding Harry. "And don't interrupt us, I was having fun."

"You might have, we weren't." Zayn complains.

Louis feeds Harry more of the banana. "Not my problem, just cause you ain't getting action doesn't mean you need to disturb ours."

Harry blushes and continues eating his banana, listening to the Dom's argue back and forth, not really contributing to anything anyone's saying.

He's sure the haziness in his head is slowly going away, it should be with the amount of damn pills he's taken. Everything's going to be okay. It is. It has to.

-

They're eating dinner backstage when Harry feels light headed and dizzy. He was waiting in line for his food when all of a sudden it hit him out of nowhere.

He was going to be sick.

He shoved Louis off of him and bee lined for the bin in the corner of the room, barely making his way over there before he was heaving and the whole contents of his stomach were emptying into the bin. Or at least that's what it felt like.

Louis came up behind him and gently rubbed his bak with one hand and stroked his hair away from his face with the other.

"Shh, you'll be alright darling, get it all out. Good boy, I love you." Louis was comforting Harry, wiping the tears that had leaked out of Harry's eyes.

When Harry was done he slumped back into Louis, zero energy to support himself.

"Oh, sweetheart. I'm sorry you're not feeling good." Louis says as he gathers Harry into his arms.

Harry shakes his head against Louis' chest. "Not your fault. 'nd I feel fine. Was just nervous."

Louis frowns in confusion. "Nervous? What about?"

Harry racks his brain. "Um, for the show. Got stage fright again." He lies.

Louis just keeps rubbing Harry's back. "You haven't gotten stage fright since we were on the X Factor baby, you're not lying to me are you?"

Harry tries his hardest to not go tense or freeze or something that will give it all away. "No, I've just been sick, you don't need to always assume I'm lying about something."

Louis sighs. "Okay, I'm sorry, my bad. It's just a bit odd that your suddenly getting nervous over performing. Maybe that banana Niall gave you was a bit dodgy." Louis tries to tease, but Harry's too tired so he just shrugs instead.

"You think you'll be alright for the concert later?" Louis asks, pressing a hand to Harry's forehead.

Harry thinks about the thousands of fans who are waiting, probably cueing already, to see him, and forces a smile at Louis.

"I'll be fine. Can we go eat now?"

Louis nods and helps Harry up, calling someone over to deal with the sick, and they walk over to the food again, this time butting in cause everyone knows Harry's sick.

Louis sits down and tries to pull Harry into his lap, but Harry squirms away, making Louis frown.

"What's wrong? You usually like to sit on me when we're eating?"

Harry pales and shoves some food in his mouth and he thinks about his answer. "I just don't wanna be sick again on you. And I don't wanna get you ill in case I have got something wrong with me. Sorry."

Louis smiles sadly. "It's okay, don't apologize. Just eat up, yeah? Maybe it will make you feel better."

Harry felt to guilty that Louis kept being nice to him when he kept blatantly lying to him all of the time.

He pushed it away and ate his food instead, irritation growing when the haziness started to float back in. He couldn't really go to the toilet and swallow more pills cause he'd have to go with Louis and Louis would definitely hear him.

He focused on other things, believing that if he told himself he wasn't going to drop, he wouldn't. He did meditation, he trick his mind it would be fine.

-

He'd managed to swallow another two pills without Louis noticing and now he was was standing on the stage performing. 

Or trying to anyways.

The amount of people here were putting him on edge and he knew, fucking knew, that he was going to drop. It was just a matter of when.

He focused as hard as he could on singing the lyrics correctly, in time, and in pitch. Trying to do all three at the same time was proving to be a bit tricky though, and several times Harry had messed up.

He wiped his clammy hands and walked over to grab his water, gulping it down in one.

It _still_ wasn't enough.

He hesitated, and then deciding it was okay cause it was just water and there was probably loads anyways, downed all of Zayn's water and all of Niall's. To be fair, they had just need sitting there.

It went back over to his mic stand and felt this sudden pull in his tummy and his head went cloudy.

Fuck. It was happening.

Harry stumbled over to the figure next to him and grabbed there arm, trying to stabilise himself.

It was Liam.

"Hey Hazza. You alright?" Liam asked, his mic turned away and his in ears, well, not in his ears.

Harry whimpered and shook his head.

No he wasn't fucking alright, he was dropping. In front of 20, 000 people, and essentially the whole world cause he knew someone was filming it.

Liam gripped Harry's shoulders and ordered him to look at him. "Harry, tell me what's wrong?"

Harry couldn't hear what Liam was saying anymore, could only see and hear white noise. He wanted the hands to encase him and hold him, not keep him away at a distance.

Harry tried to speak but all that came out was a whimper again.

"Harry? Talk to me!" Liam ordered again.

"Gonna drop." Harry managed to get out, tears leaking down his face.

"What? I can't hear you Haz!" Liam shouted.

Harry started sobbing, his head getting worse and worse and the pull in his stomach making everything worse.

He was so beyond scared, sub drop was such a dark and scary place, and Harry didn't want to go there. He tried to focus on Liam, but his mind wouldn't let him.

" 'm scared, Liam. Don't let it happen, please! I took pills, why didn't it stop?!" Harry yelled, gripping Liam's shirt tightly in fear.

"Hazza please tell me what is happening! You're safe with me I promise, but I can't help if you don't talk to me!" Liam shouted back.

He'd moved them around to his back was to the audience and Harry was facing him, trying his best to hide him from the crowd.

They hadn't seemed to notice though, nor had Zayn, Niall or Louis. They were on the other side of the stage away from them, chatting to the crowd.

Harry launched himself at Harry and buried his face into his neck, the need for the touch of a Dom to great.

"I'm dropping." He sobbed, hearing Liam's gasp even past all of the white noise.

"Fuck. Okay, shit. I have to get you off stage Hazza. Can you walk?"

Harry can't hear Liam and now he can't see him either so he doesn't know he's being asked a question and doesn't respond, just feels himself being lifted into Liam's strong arms and them walking off stage.

He feels himself being sat down in a chair and Liam's hands running through his hair.

"Good boy, Harry. You're doing so well for me, well done for telling me. I know your scared about dropping, but it's all gonna be okay. We'll be here to look after you, especially Louis."

Harry's ears perk up at the mention of his Dom and he whines.

Liam scratches behind Harry's ear. "I know, I know you want Louis. Someone's gone to get him, your okay."

Harry whines and feels even more tears fall down his face. It was too much, but being told he was a good boy and he was safe made it feel so much better.

" 'm safe?" He managed to mumble out.

Liam smiles and wiped Harry's tears away. "Of course. You're safe with me, and you're safe with Louis. It's going to be okay, we'll look after you."

"Want Lou." He whispers, his head clouding up again.

-

Louis had been wrestling with Niall on the floor when his in ears started beeping.

He looked at Niall to find he also looked confused.

"Yours beeping?" He'd mouthed to Niall, to which the Irish boy had nodded back.

They tried to play it off and get back up to sing their next song when Louis noticed Liam and Harry had gone.

He started to worry but told himself it was fine, they'd be back soon.

"Okay, well looks like Harry and Liam have disappeared, but we cant sing our next song anyways cause our in ears are going crazy. John what's up?" Louis spoke the crowd, all three boys turning around to see where their tech guy was back stage.

Suddenly a woman started speaking through the boys' ears. 

"We need Louis Tomlinson back stage now. Louis head to the back right doors of the stage there's an emergency. Niall and Zayn you guys hold the crowd off for a bit."

Louis looked a mix of panic and confusion at Niall.

If there was an emergency why would they only need him back stage. And where the hell was-

Harry!

Louis placed his mic to the floor and whispered an apology to Niall and Zayn before heading back stage. He tried telling himself that it was okay and nothing bad was gonna happen, but he knew they wouldn't call him backstage unless it was absolutely necessary.

He could hear Niall and Zayn still trying their best to entertain the crowd. "Well, I guess it's the Niall and Zayn tour then!"

He ripped his in ears out as he left the stage, Paul there waiting already for him.

"Fuck, Louis hurry the fuck up, we need to go now." Paul swore, gripping Louis' wrist and dragging him to where Harry and Liam were.

"What the fuck, Paul what's wr- shit Harry." Louis gasped, running towards him when he saw Liam on his knees leaning up to Harry and Harry sat on a chair looking far from himself.

"Shit Lou, he's dropping. He's really scared." Liam worried.

Louis felt his blood run cold, but tried to rationalise himself by putting Harry first. He fell to his knees, shoving Liam out of the way and pulling Harry's face into his hands.

"Hey sweetheart, it's Louis. Can you hear me?"

Harry blinked his eyes opens and sobs openly.

"Louis!" He sobs out as he finally, _finally_ drops.

Louis pulls Harry to the floor and onto his lap, wrapping his arms tightly around him and whispering into his ear even though he knows Harry can longer hear him.

Harry's sobbing subsides and in his place he just goes silent, staring into nothing and his body completely pliant.

Louis rocks them together for another five minutes, the room silent the whole time until Liam speaks up.

"Did you know it was going to happen?" He whispers.

"Of course I didn't! Do you think I'd fucking let him go out on stage if he felt like he was gonna drop? What the fuck Li?" Louis spat out.

Liam held his hands up in surrender. "Alright calm down! I just thought that, generally speaking, Subs knew when a drop was coming. I thought he'd tell you."

Louis shook his head and kissed Harry's head. "Well evidently he didn't. _Fuck_ , why wouldn't he tell me?"

Paul clears his throat from the door way and Louis turns to look at him. "Uh, Harry told me he wasn't feeling well earlier and asked me to get this bag? He said it had his medication in it, but he never mentioned dropping."

Louis took the bag Paul was handing him with a frown. "I've never seen this before? It, Jesus, it has a padlock on it. Do you know the combination?"

Paul shakes his head. "He never told me what was in it. I'm sorry Lou, I know I should've told you but, I feel bad for him. I honestly thought he just felt a bit ill, would take whatever it was he needed and be better. I'm sorry."

Louis tried to bite back his anger. "Whatever, it's as much his fault as it is yours, if not more Harry. He should have fucking told me he didn't feel good, and I need to find out what's in here and why he feels the need to lock it up."

Louis held Harry to his lap with one arm and tried to open the lock, trying several combinations before trying his own birthday, 2412, smiling despite everything when it worked.

He threw the lock away and pulled the blister packet of pills out. "The fuck? This is just over the counter drop pills. Why the hell would he need to keep these hidden from me?"

Harry's emotionless eyes leaked more tears and he whined a little, though he showed no sign of recognition that he was aware what was happening.

"Shh, I know I'm sorry Hazza. You're my good boy, I love you sweetie. I'm not mad at you, don't worry. My good boy." Louis whispers, rocking Harry again and kissing his curls.

Harry stops crying as quickly as he started and the whining stops.

"Good boy, Hazza. Good boy." He then shifts Harry on his lap and, what the hell is that? "Ow, what the fuck?"

There's something digging into Louis' thighs, and it's coming from Harry's arse.

He carefully puts his hands down the back of Harry's jeans and boxers, and swears when his hands feel a bottle.

"Li, come here a sec. Can you hold him up for me?"

Liam goes over and lifts Harry up, wrapping his arms around his waist and allowing Harry weight to flop onto Liam's chest.

Louis then unbuckles Harry's belt and pulls it out, unbuttoning Harry's jeans and reaching back into his pants to pull the bottle out.

Harry squirms a little but Liam just presses kisses to his temple to settle him.

As Louis pulls the bottle out and tries to read the handwritten label he frowns in confusion again.

"What the hell is this?" He recites the name of the drug and Liam nearly drops Harry in shock.

"Fuck fuck fuck, no. Louis show me the bottle that can't be what is says, fuck fuck." He gasps, swearing more when he reads the label.

"Shit, Harry what the fuck were you thinking?" Liam whispers, shaking Harry a little bit.

"Oi, don't fucking do that, he's in a fragile state of mind. Pass him back." Louis orders, carefully placing Harry back against his chest. "What is this drug?"

"Lou, it's illegal drop pills. Like really really illegal. They're, fuck, they're so fucking strong. They really aren't supposed to be used, especially in mass consumption. Fuck, it's probably why he threw up earlier. He might need to go to a hospital." Liam panics, standing up and pacing around the room.

Louis' eyes widen as he looks down at Harry, his unfocused eyes staring into nothing.

"No, sweetheart what have you done to yourself? Why wouldn't you tell me?" Louis whispers, tears falling down his face.

"Lou seriously, if he's taken more than like, jesus, more than two he's gonna need to go to a hospital." Liam tells Louis, trying to hold his own tears away.

"Well how the fuck am I supposed to know how many he's taken?! Maybe he threw them up earlier, he doesn't seem any different to how subs normally behave in a drop." Louis whispers again, burying his face into Harry's shoulder as more tears fall out. "Why would you do this baby?"

Liam goes to speak just as Zayn and Niall come pounding in. 

"Oh there you guys are, what the fuck is- shit, what's happened?"

Liam fills them in on everything that has gone down, including the illegal pills situation. 

"Fuck, no seriously fuck. My sister took three of those this one time and she went into a fucking coma when we got her to a hospital. How many did he take?" Zayn rushes out, going over to Harry and checking the dilation of his eyes.

"I don't know. I didn't even know he owned them. Do you think we should go to a hospital?" Louis whispers in fear.

Niall stands up and goes over to Louis. "Hey Lou, this isn't your fault mate. Harry chose not to tell you, so don't blame yourself for what happened. Honestly, he's going to be okay."

Louis couldn't handle it anymore and burst into tears so he was sobbing uncontrollably into his hands. Niall pulled him away from Harry, knowing it would for sure send Harry into a bad headspace if his Dom was distressed. 

Zayn instead took Harry into his arms and did all the things you should do to a sub in sub drop, reassure them they were good, loved and safe, keep physical contact with them, give them affection. Liam strokes the back of Harry's hair, trying to give Niall and Louis some privacy.

Louis just curled up into himself, crying hysterically. He'd failed, and Harry could go into a coma. Or, fucking hell, what if Harry died. Right here. Or maybe when they got to a hospital. What if he never made it out of this drop and Louis would never get to hear Harry speak again.

He sobbed and sobbed as Niall hugged him tightly, reassuring him he was a good Dom and Harry would be okay. 

All in all, it was a mess.

-

"Seriously, Lou. You can't just forget this ever happened!" Harry heard someone shouting.

And, really? His head was fucking pounding, did the person not know that?

"Would you calm the fuck down? He's sleeping, so god help him if you wake him up! And I'm aware I can't forget it, but I'm not gonna shove him over my knee and beat the hell out of him the second he wakes up. I'm his Dom, not an abuser. Learn the fucking difference." Someone else hissed out, much quieter this time. 

"Alright, everyone let's calm down. And Li, try and keep your voice down, Lou's right, Harry needs to sleep. When he wakes up we can talk to him then and come to a decision about what happens next, but until then this constant bickering isn't going to get anyone anywhere. It's been a stressful night, let's not make it worse by saying shit we regret." A third person spoke, this time with an Irish accent.

Harry wanted to fucking marry that person, and if he had enough energy he'd open his eyes and go hug that person. But as it was he felt like he'd been run over by a train and could blink an eye open.

The first thing he noticed was that he was now in a bed, which he definitely doesn't know how he got there. 

He looked to the floor and saw Liam, Niall and Zayn sitting on the floor, all looking exhausted and worried.

Someone was sitting upright on the bed with him, a hand snaked through his hair. It was-

Louis!

His Dom, he needed his Dom.

He tried to lean up into the hand weakly, which made Louis turn to look at him with concern.

When Louis saw Harry's eyes open he swore and pulled the boy up into his arms carefully.

"Fuck, you're awake. Hey, Hazza. How are you feeling baby?"

Harry nestled happily into Louis' strong arms but still felt like death, making saying words tricky.

" 'ead hurts". He manages to whisper out, wincing when it makes it head even worse.

"Your head hurts?" Louis checks, Harry nodding in response. "Okay, I'm going to make it better, sweetheart. Ni, can you pass me that water?"

Niall reaches over for the bottle and straw and passes it up to Louis with a soft smile.

Louis unscrews the lid skillfully with one hand and places the straw in the bottle.

"Here, can you drink this for me?"

Harry just opens his mouth, allowing Louis to place the straw between his lips, and sucks.

He downs the whole thing, grimacing when it's all gone.

"Gross." He mumbles.

Louis smiles again. "Sorry, love. I put some powder in there to help your head. Are you up enough for a chat?"

Harry groans but nods his head, his headspace clearing up.

"Alright, we're going to ask you a few questions, and you have to be honest with us. If you lie Harry, it's not going to be good for you. Look at me, promise me you'll be honest." Louis said sternly, pulling Harry's head so they're staring eye to eye at each other.

Harry whined. "Won't lie."

Louis smiled and kissed him. "Good boy, I love you, alright? No matter what happens, I'm always going to love you baby."

Harry preened. "Love you too, Lou."

"Alright, as much as I love you two and as cute as you are I'm fucking exhausted and my alarm is going to go off in two and a half hours, so could we please hurry the fuck up." Liam exasperated, making Louis roll his eyes. "Harry, when did you start feeling like you were going to drop?"

Harry shifted uncomfortably with everyone staring at him. "Uh, when I woke up from my nap earlier. When you went to get the nandos."

"Why didn't you tell me, darling? I could have helped you." Louis asked brokenly.

Harry looked down in guilt. " 'm sorry. I...I was scared, and I thought I had it under control. Didn't want to worry you."

Louis kissed the top of Harry's head. "You wouldn't have worried me. Watching you drop and having no idea why worried me, if you had told me it would have been okay, Haz. You're never going to do it again, okay? Whenever you feel like you might drop you _have_ to tell me. Do I make myself clear?"

Harry nodded his head. "Yes Lou, I'm sorry."

"It's alright baby. What did you do when you thought you were going to drop?" Louis asks hesitantly, not sure if he wants to know the answer.

"Uhm, I, uh, I took my drop pills. F-Four of them, with some water..." He said quietly, almost hoping Louis wouldn't hear the last bit.

"I know you know the correct dosage, Harry. You know you should only ever take two at one time, especially considering you were on an empty stomach. What the hell were you thinking?" Zayn reprimanded from the floor.

Harry shook his head again. "I don't know, I just wanted the feeling to go away and they weren't working. Their not even that strong anyways, so it doesn't really matter."

Louis suppressed a sigh. "Okay, forgetting the fact that you overdosed which could have been really really dangerous, did you take anything else?"

Harry watched the boys' faces, each of them watching Harry like a hawk.

He really didn't want to tell Louis he'd taken illegal drugs, but he knew better than to lie.

"Um, don't get mad?" He asked in a small voice.

"Harry, tell me." Louis said sternly.

"Okay, uh, when I was fourteen I dropped really badly when my parents split up. It was the first and only time until today, and it was really scary. I had a friend at the time, called Matt, and his sister was a sub. He, uh, he told me that she took these other drop pills which, um, were like, stronger and more effective. He gave me a bottle of them but told me to only ever use them when I absolutely had to or if I was in danger. I've used them once before and it was fine, it pushed the drop away and nothing bad happened. I called him yesterday and asked if they'd still be okay to use and he said yes. So I took them." Harry finished with a sigh, the room echoing with silence.

No-one spoke for a while and Harry supposed it was because they were either angry, shocked or disappointed.

Or maybe both.

Definitely both.

"How many?" Louis asked after a while.

"Um, I took two with the other ones after my nap, uh, s-six during sound check and another two b-before the concert." Harry whispered in fear.

Now his head had cleared and he wasn't so scared of dropping, he realised how stupid and dangerous he'd been.

Apparently the rest of the boys thought so too, as Louis stood up and shook Harry.

"Jesus Christ, Harry. You've taken four legal drop pills and 10 _illegal_ drugs in one day. You realise you're fucking lucky to still be alive right now? What the hell was running through your mind?! Are you trying to kill yourself!" Louis shouted, turning away from Harry because he was so close to slapping him and he knew he'd regret it.

"Louis-"

"No, Harry. Louis' right, you're so fucking lucky those drugs had expired and were basically acting as a placebo, seriously. The older they are the less effective they are, but if they were new ones you wouldn't be in the hotel right now, you'd be in a fucking hospital, and you'd be lucky to be alive." Liam spat out harshly.

Harry stared at Liam with wide eyes as his heart rate accelerated.

"Were you trying to kill yourself?!" He added on.

Harry's hands started shaking and he felt that same fear come back as he did when he was fourteen.

"Alright Li, back off a bit. He's just dropped." Louis said softly, walking back over to the sub. "Hey Hazza, it's alright darling, Liam didn't mean it. It's okay."

Harry felt more tears leak out from his eyes. "Didn't want to kill myself, I swear. They would have worked if they were new, I wouldn't have taken so many. I'm so sorry, Lou, I'm a bad sub I understand if you don't want me anymore, I hate myself-" Harry started babbling, panic coursing through his veins. 

Louis shushed him and held him close. "Hey hey, it's alright Hazza, I know you didn't want to kill yourself. It's okay baby, Liam never should have said that, he's just tired and it's been a really long stressful night for everyone. You're not a bad sub sweetheart, and I don't want to hear you say you hate yourself again. You're alright Haz, you're my good boy, my good sub. I love you."

Harry swallowed the huge lump his throat and wrapped his arms around Louis, his tears slowly subsiding. "Love you too. I'm so sorry-"

"I know you are, and tomorrow, or maybe the day after tomorrow, or even the day after that depending on how you feel, you'll recieve your punishment and we can all forget it and move on. So long as this never happens again, because if it does the consequences will be much higher. Alright?" Louis explained in what he hoped was a calm and measured way.

Harry felt the fear and panic shift, and in its place came comfort. He loved it when Louis just lay things out like this, as they are, with no further questions needed. Harry wouldn't have to worry or overthink things anymore, because it was all going to be dealt with. Louis wasn't going to end things, they would just have a punishment and move on. Simple.

Okay maybe the punishment wouldn't be simple but they weren't supposed to be, and Harry was okay with that.

"Okay, I can do that. You're not mad at me?"

Louis sighed. "I'm disappointed in your behaviour, but I understand why you did it, and I know drops tend to make your judgement cloudy. But I'm not mad at you, darling. Never mad at you. I was just really worried for you, because I love you and that's what tends to happen when people you love put themselves in danger."

Harry just snuggled into Louis' arms tighter. "Love you. Thank you for looking after me."

Louis smiles fondly. "It's alright, I love you too. Now I think everyone should try and get some sleep for a few hours, and in the morning I'll talk to management in the morning, see if we can try and shift the interview and photoshoot we have. You lads staying here or going back to your own rooms?"

"Bro we're not 18 anymore, well apart from Haz, I don't think we're gonna all fit on one bed anymore. We'll head off, let you two have some alone time." Zayn said with a small laugh, walking over to the two boys and pulling them in for a tight hug. 

"Get some rest Lou, we're only across the hallway if you need us. And you," Zayn says, turning to Harry, "Please try and stay out of trouble for more than two seconds." he teases, ruffling Harry's hair when the sub blushes and walks over to the doorway. "You two coming?"

Liam and Niall nod tiredly, slowly standing up and hugging the two as well, walking over to Zayn ready to leave.

"Night guys, get some rest. We love you." Louis says, smiling as they all vacate the room, leaving Louis and his troublesome Sub alone.

"Right you, let's go to bed. I'm so fucking tired." Louis sighs, tugging all his clothes off and haphazardly throwing them on the floor. 

Harry follows suite, turning his neck up to Louis so he can unbuckle the collar.

Louis does so carefully, and places it on the bed side table before tugging Harry to his chest so they can cuddle.

"Lou? Can you sing me a song?" Harry whispers timidly.

Louis rolls his eyes fondly in the dark. "What exactly are you wanting me to sing?"

"Can you do, um, if I could fly? Do you remember it?"

Harry had written the song a year after he'd met Louis, and played it to Louis after his 18th birthday earlier this year. He loved the song but it wasn't yet on an album or set list 'cause Harry wanted to keep it between the two of them.

"Of course I do, it's our first dance song." Louis teased with a chuckle, making Harry groan.

"We're not even _engaged_ yet..." He grumbled jokingly. They always teased each other about marriage, and they'd essentially discussed the entirety of their wedding together over the years, but Harry was still unsure if Louis was ever gonna pop the question.

He didn't mind waiting though, they were both young and had really busy schedules. It was all just stuff to look forward to in the future.

"Yeah yeah, whatever. One day though, Hazza. I'll be waiting for you by the alter as you walk done, everyone's head turning to look at the pretty bride. And we'll be tied together, forever. I can't wait." Louis said softly, a smile beaming out of his face, making Harry blush and burry his face into Louis' chest.

"For your information, just 'cause I'm the one walking down the alter doesn't mean I'm a bride. I'm a groom, marrying another groom. I don't know if you remember but you're gay, Lou, so even if I was a bride you wouldn't want to marry me. You don't swing that way." Harry jokes.

-

The next day Harry was still a little down, and Louis knew it wouldn't be fair to admonish him today. Instead he just helped Harry pull on some clean clothes and they both made their way downstairs for breakfast.

Harry sat in Louis' lap and paid next to no attention to the conversation, eating bits of pancakes from Louis' fork when he gave it to him, and sucking his apple juice carton happily.

Louis spoke with a wide eyed Zayn and a half asleep Liam, both of whom had barely caught any shut eye last night, as Niall gulped down his food like it was going out of fashion.

"Niall, 

"Oh baby, I'd swing any way you wanted me too if it meant I'd get to marry you."

"Oh god! Just sing the song, I'm tired. Stop getting my hopes high with the thought of a wedding." He complained light heartedly.

"Alright, you're lordship! I'm only going to sing it once, if you're not asleep by the end of it that's your fault. Once through is all you're getting mister." Louis says before holding Harry closer and singing the song quietly.

By the time he's finished Harry's snoring quietly on his chest, which was fucking adorable. He kissed his forehead and shut his eyes too, drifting off into a peaceful sleep knowing Harry was safe again.

-

When they woke up Harry was still a little down and unresponsive, just sitting there as Louis helped him get dressed and suitcase packed before walking hand in hand down to breakfast.

Harry opted for simply sitting in Louis' lap, not contributing the conversation and instead just lying against Louis' chest, swinging his legs back and forth and eating the pieces of pancake on Louis' fork when presented with him. Louis also hands him an apple juice carton with a straw which he happily sucks on throughout the rest of breakfast.

Louis is trying to engage in a conversation with a wide eyed Zayn and half asleep Liam whilst Niall just enhales his breakfast like it's going out of fashion.

"Niall, bro, calm down a little bit. Your food isn't going anywhere, take it slow." Louis teases with a smirk.

"Look, the more food I eat the more energy I have and right now I feel like I'm living in some alternate world I'm so fucking tired. Let a man eat his food in piece, would you?" Niall bites back somewhat aggressively, making Harry whimper and curl further into Louis.

"It's okay, H. Niall's not angry at you, he's just a hungry bitch. It's okay." He whispers to Harry comfortingly before turning back to Niall. "Would you calm the fuck down, Ni, he's still down."

Niall looks apologetically at Louis and Harry. "Sorry Hazza, I'm not angry at you, it's okay. Sorry Lou, was just a bit tired."

Louis just nods and turns back to Harry, trying to pry the now empty juice box out of the subs hands, who was adament on noisily sucking the last dregs of the juice, which made for a rather unpleasant noise.

"Give me the box please, Harry." He said in a mildly stern voice, being careful of Harry's head space.

Harry shakes his head and grips the box tighter. "Still drinking it. Thirsty." He says quietly, speaking for the first time that day.

"Turn the box upside down."

Harry looks at Louis suspiciously before slowly turning the box around, trying to figure out what the trick was.

"See, nothing's coming out of the box, so you're not still drinking it. Don't lie to me please." Louis says before taking the juice box off of the now whining sub. "And don't whine either, I'll give you some milk if you can sit still quietly for a little while longer and behave yourself. Deal?"

Harry nods and snuggles back into Louis' jumper, the juice box long forgotten.

Louis just smiled fondly and turned back to the boys. "Have any of you tried calling management to see if we can get today off?"

Liam sighs heavily from where his head was currently buried in his arms on the table. "They won't shift it, we have to do it all. Including the concert. They said Harry has to come along but doesn't have to contribute, but it would be good if he would sing some of the songs in the concert if he's able too." He says, voice muffled.

"Fucking fantastic." Louis says sarcastically. "At least we have the next few days free. You three can finally get some rest."

Everyone just smiles and goes back to their breakfast, eating their breakfast in a tired silence.

-

Throughout the day Harry stays pretty much silent the whole time, sticking to Louis' side or lap for the most part and only talking if it was absolutely necessary. At the concert he sat on one of the steps with one of the boys next to him at all times and sang, but he couldn't find it in him to engage with the audience, and he passed most of his big solo's over to the other boy's.

By the time the concert has finished Harry is pretty much dead on his feet, and as soon as they are backstage Louis is lifting Harry up into his arms, wrapping his legs around his hips, one arm underneath his thighs and one around his back as Harry winds his arms around Louis' neck, dropping his head to Louis' shoulder and shutting his eyes.

" 'm really tired." He whispered.

"I know sweetheart, I just need to say goodbye to a few people and then we can go back to our hotel and go to bed. And guess what?" He says with over the top enthusiasm to try and get Harry excited. The sub leans back a little and looks Louis in the eye confused.

"What?"

"We don't even have to set an alarm tomorrow! You can sleep for as long as you wish!" Louis exclaims, boucing Harry up and down to rile the sub up.

"Really?!" Harry says with a gasp. He honestly can't remember the last time he didn't set an alarm. Louis smiles as him fondly.

"Yes baby, really. We can stay in the hotel all day, get room service, have a nap. Maybe even go to the pool! How's that sound?!" Louis says excitedly.

Harry smiles and leans back into Louis. "Sounds fun. Everything is fun with you. Can you go say goodbye so we can leave now?"

Louis chuckles. "All right, let's go say goodbye then."

20 minutes later, Harry and Louis were tucked up into bed again, this time at a much more reasonable hour.

"Good night, Hazza." Louis whispers into Harry's neck from where they're spooning. 

Harry smiles and nestles back into Louis. "Night Lou. Love you."

"Love you too."

-

The next day Harry is still down and they spend the day lazing around, happy to just be in each others company.

Harry feels safe again.

-

The day after that Harry finally starts to come around, reluctantly so as he knows this means punishment time.

He wakes before Louis and lies stock still, hoping Louis will stay asleep for as long as possible. Unfortunately this just wakes him up instead, so Harry tries his hardest to make it look like he's been sleeping the whole time.

Louis snorts in Harry's ear from behind him and tickles the sub.

"Baby, I know you're awake, I'm not an idiot. What are you doing?" He asks sweetly.

Harry blushes and turns over, burying his face in Louis' neck to hide his embarrassment.

"Didn't mean to wake you up. Sorry." He mumbles.

Louis laughs again and pulls Harry's head back, kissing him lightly. "I don't mind, sweetheart."

Harry grimaces and pulls away, running to the bathroom, shouting, "I need to brush my teeth before you start kissing me!", making Louis laugh and walk into he bathroom after him, lightly swatting his bare arse which causes the younger boy to yelp and flinch away.

"Well, don't go running away from me when I'm kissing you then!" Louis teases.

Harry blushes again and mutters "whatever" as he turns back around to the mirror to brush his teeth.

Louis catches Harry's eyes in the mirror and they stare lovingly at each other, in a comfortable silence.

Until Louis breaks it.

"So, we have the whole day off today. How about seeing as you're feeling better, we get your punishment over and done with, and then we can maybe go check out the spa and head out for an early dinner?" Louis questions, although Harry knows he doesn't really get a say in the punishment bit anyways.

"Um, if we go to the spa after my punishment, won't everyone see my, um, uh-"

"Your bright red arse?" Louis asks cockily, making Harry squirms and nod his head.

Louis walks over and places a piece of Harry's hair behind his ear. "Oh darling, that's all part of the fun." Louis whispers.

Harry squirms again and turns around to spit his toothpaste out. He hates public humiliation, with a passion. 'Cause it's embarrassing, and it makes him feel like everyone's staring at him. But he is Harry Styles, (maybe soon he can say Harry Tomlinson), and everyone's probably always staring at him anyways.

And besides, it's not a hard limit for Harry, and he knows he can colour out if he needs too. It's part of the punishment, and Harry can take it.

He just doesn't particularly like it all that much.

He wipes his mouth with a towel and turns back to Louis.

"Um, okay then. I can do that." Harry whispers.

"Good boy. Go stand in the corner of the bedroom, hands up behind your head. I'll be in a moment." Louis commands.

Harry bows his head and hurries out of the bathroom.

He stands as Louis told him too, his feet shoulder width apart and his eyes focused on the wall directly in front of him.

He feels exposed, completely naked with everything out for anyone who walks in to see. He thinks about what he did a few days ago, like he knows he's supposed to do.

He doesn't know why he'd thought it was a good idea to take those pills when he could have just as easily told Louis. Louis would have made him feel better.

He was such an idiot.

He felt guilt rack throughout his body but he forced himself not to get upset. He did this to himself, he could have killed himself. This was his own doing.

 _God_ , he really was an idiot.

He tended up when he heard, or rather felt, someone come in.

He could hear Louis moving around, presumably grabbing a few things, before he could hear him sitting down on the edge of the bed.

"Come here, Harry." His voice cut through the silence, making Harry jump.

He lowered his arms and turned around, to find Louis was in fact sitting on the edge of the bed. He walked over to him and waited in front of him for further instructions.

"On your knees."

Harry did as asked, his head bowed and his hands splayed upright on his thighs. Louis placed a hand in Harry's hair.

"Good boy. I want you to tell me what you've done wrong over the past few days. Now." Louis ordered.

"I didn't tell you when I felt like I was going to drop. I overdosed on my drop pills. I overdosed and took illegal drop drugs of which you weren't aware of. Uh, I didn't tell you when I was dropping. I'm sorry, Sir." Harry tries his hardest to remember everything he did wrong with a shaky voice.

"Save the apologies." Louis spat. "Tell me the rules you've broken."

"Um-"

"Did I fucking ask you to stutter Harry? Tell me how it is, stop saying 'uhm' like you've forgotten how to speak." Louis commands with a harsh tug of Harry's hair, making him wince.

"Sorry, Sir. I've broken my rule stating that I tell you how I feel at all times and not to lie. I've broken the rule stating that I listen to you and do what you say at all times. And...and I've broken the rule stating that I should never put myself in a dangerous situation." Harry said slowly, the urge to apologize consuming him.

"Big fucking time. You've broken that rule big time." Louis says loudly, making Harry nod.

"Yes Sir, I've broken that rule big time."

Louis sighs. "I know we've already discussed this, but I have to stress _how_ important it is that this never happens again. Do I need to add to your list of rules again?"

Harry gasps loudly and his watery eyes shoot up to Louis'. "Sir, please I'm begging you don't do that. I swear I'll never do it again, it doesn't need to be a rule. My list doesn't need adding to it!"

Harry still can't forgive himself for messing up so badly before that Louis had had to add to his rules. He'd gone out into a busy crowd and nearly gotten stampeded, making Louis add to his list. It hadn't ever changed before that, and it hadn't changed since.

And Harry was doing everything in his power to make sure it didn't change again.

He hated it when it changed.

It meant he'd lost his reputation of perfect Sub.

"It doesn't make you a bad sub for needing more rules, Hazza. It's normal for subs to need to adapt their rules." Louis says in a softer voice than before, almost as if he could read Harry's mind. "However, on this occasion we won't be adding it as another rule. If you do ever take illegal drugs again behind my back, I'll temporarily be pulling you out of the band, and potentially be terminating our relationship. There will be no negotiating with this. Do I make myself clear?" 

Harry blinks his tears away. It's a fair point, but the power to pull him out of the band scares him so much. He guesses that's probably the point. "Yes Sir."

"Good. Right then, over my lap." The Dom orders, Harry getting up on shaky legs and carefully placing himself over Louis' lap.

"You'll receive 30 with my hand, 20 with my belt and 15 with your paddle. As always you will count each set, miss one and we start from the beginning. Understand?"

Harry nods. "Yes Sir. I'm green."

Louis starts raining down the skaps and by the time they've finished Harry is sobbing loudly on Louis' thigh.

Louis pulls him up into his lap and cuddles him tightly, rocking them and and forth.

"Shh, my sweet boy. Don't cry, it's all over, sweetheart, we can move on. I love you, baby, I love you so much. It's alright, you're going to be okay." He whispers.

Slowly harry manages to calm himself down, cuddling up tightly to Louis.

"I'm so sorry, I promise it won't ever happen again. I can be good, I swear. I'm so sorry-"

"I know you are sweetie, it's alright. I told you, we can move on, simple. I love you, were such a good boy for me." Louis keeps comforting Harry.

Harry closes his eyes against Louis' jumper and inhales the typical smell of Louis. 

"I'm not in trouble anymore?" He asks quietly.

Louis smiles and kisses the top of his head. "No, I already told you, you're my good boy. I love you, Harry."

Harry smiles cheekily up to his Dom. "I love you more."

Louis smirks down at Harry. "I love you the most."

Harry's mouth falls open. "Heyy, that's not fair! I was trying to say I love you more than you could ever love me!"

Louis laughs. "Yeah? Well I guess we'll just have to agree to disagree."

Harry frowns and shakes his head into Louis jumper. "No, I love you more than you can love me. I'm winning this."

Louis laughs loudly.

"I'm being serious, could you stop laughing at me?" Louis laughs harder. "What?! Is it so bad that I'm telling you I love you?" He huffs.

Louis bites his lips to try and hide his smile. "I'm sorry, sweetie. You're too cute when you're trying to be angry at me."

"Whatever, maybe I don't love you anymore. I should go find Liam, sit on his lap and tell _him_ I love him." Harry says with a glare, his arms crossed over his chest.

Louis lightly swats Harry up the back of the head. "You'll so no such thing, thank you. You love me."

Harry giggles. " _Fine_ , I guess I could love you!" 

"You guess?!" Louis says affronted.

Harry giggles again. "I'm joking, I love you, love my Lou Lou."

"Oh Jesus, don't start with the "my Lou Lou' thing all over again, you're ruining my strict, hard Dom reputation!" Louis teases.

" 's not my fault my Lou Lou is soft and kind. Love you." He says sweetly as he kisses Louis.

Louis pulls Harry back in for a hug and buries his face into Harry's hair. "You're such an idiot. I love you too."

Harry snuggles in tighter to Louis and smiles. "I'm sleepy, can we take a nap?"

"Babes we've just woken up."

Harry fights his corner and Louis finds himself lying under the covers with Harry in his arms.

"Only 15 minutes. I'm setting an alarm." Louis warns.

Harry turns around kisses Louis softly. "I meant it, I love you."

Louis smiles and kisses him back. "I love you too, Harry Styles."

Harry smiles back and tries to tickle Louis, with much fail when Louis grabs his hands and shoves him away. "Ah ah, don't start that now. You're time is ticking away."

"We can still go to the spa afterwards, and then our for dinner?" Harry asks tiredly.

Louis smiles. "Yeah we can do that, go to sleep princess."

As Harry falls asleep, Louis watches him with a huge smile.

This boy had him wrapped around his finger so bad.

And he couldn't even be mad at it.

-

**Author's Note:**

> You know one of these days I will learn to write my work somewhere else first, because every single time I write something I lose half of it.
> 
> I'm felt sorry this is so late, basically I started writing another plot line (which I still have), but it was like super heavy BDSM and I wasn't really sure if you'd like to see that or not. 
> 
> Then I started this one but I wasn't really sure where to go with it, and then I lost half of it. 
> 
> Anyways, let me know what you think about this, I don't really know if I love it, be honest with how it compares to other fics in this series.
> 
> ALWAYS COMMENT IT REALLY HELPS MOTIVATE ME AND MAKES ME VERY HAPPY. I READ EVERYTHING I PROMISE 
> 
> i love you all, and I hope you are all okay
> 
> Fyi, not that anyone cares but I managed to get my sleep schedule back on track, so I'm happy now.
> 
> I LOVE YOU XXXXXX


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